30 Things by 30

I received the following email in 2007 when I was 28 and about 2 weeks ago and I am now 30. Lets see what how many of the 30 items I can check off the list.

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30
By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.-For Shizzle not necessarily boyfriend but luvahs

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.-No, I can't afford the type of furniture I am willing to buy. yes I own some Ikea items but anything you have to put together yourself doesn't count. And some old furniture has character

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.-Yes I do, Several things actually

4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.-Yes to all

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.-I was content to move beyond my youth at 25

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.-Not as juicy as one would like. Still working on it. But I am a mystery to most so I guess its juicy enough

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.-403b, need I say more

8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you. -Who doesn't have this stuff? This seems kinda juvenile.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.-Yes, my resume is sufficiently unpadded but I never needed to pad it in the first place.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.-I have a couple, the chick that wrote this must live in a damn hovel.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.- Need replaced, need replaced and buying a nice one today coincidentally

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.-Now I do not own anything ridiculously expensive.

13. The belief that you deserve it.-I work for it every damn day. Hell's yeah I deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.-Ha yes

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.-Hmmm I have to get back to you on this

By 30, you should know:
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.-I can do that

2. How you feel about having kids.-I want as many as I can care for financially and emotionally.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.-Yes Yes and Yes

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.-Got that down

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.- Hell I should hope so.

6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.-If you don't know your Great Grandmother, you should be smacked.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.-Been doing it for years and hate it, but yes i know how to live alone like a pro.

8. How to take control of your own birthday.-I've done that every year except this one.

9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.-Yes, but I can drop some lbs.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.-Praise Jesus

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.-I know what I say I wouldn't do but being that I have not been approached with large sums of money to do anything, I don't know how FIRM I am on that stance. Money is a motivator.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.-I have seen some broke down chicks after years of drinking and smoking. No one should look 40 at 25.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.-That is a life lesson that some people NEVER learn.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.-No Way

15. Why they say life begins at 30.-It kinda began 30 years ago BUT truly living begins at 30

Me and Sky Mall

I spent a considerable amount of time in airports and on planes last week.
Flight from Philly to Charlotte with a Layover in Cleveland roundtrip.

The trip started off on the wrong foot with a flight delay of 45 minutes. We board the plane and head to Cleveland. Just my luck The President is heading to the Cleveland Clinic...at the same time I am scheduled to land:

Captain: Hello Passengers, we are about 75 miles outside of Cleveland, BUT there is presidential activity and well will be in a hold pattern for the next 45 minutes.

Us: Oh...

During those 45 minutes in our holding pattern decided to see what treasures are in the SkyMall Catalog. I have a love hate relationship with it. I love it for its randomness and hate it for the same reason.
I mean really..
Who buys this shit?

Page 26
Genuine Turkish Bathrobe
(As opposed to the ones you buy at Penney's or Target)
$119.95- For that kinda money that robe better come with a self refilling snack pockets and a vibrator.

Page 40
Pine Cone Landscape Post
Define your driveway with vintage looking landscape post.
$59.95
I have never thought about my garden on a flight anywhere let alone pinecone shaped landscape posts...

Page 55
Classic 49cc Gas Moped
$1299.95
Not for nothing BUT I am without a car and mopeds are looking more and more attractive as local transportation options.

Page 75
Yukata Cover Up
$139.00 + 3.00 s&h
3 Exciting Print Themes
Sassy Sexy Japanese inspired robes

Page 87
Tape to PC
For the first time in the history of flying I see comething that a friend actually owns and uses.

Converts your tapes to MP3s fine idea, SURE.
Pain in the ass and labor intensive without a doubt.
You have to baby sit the machine, stopping the cassette after every track, converting 1 MP3 at a time.
Nice idea. Poor Execution

SkyMall Gift Card... (crickets)

45 minutes later a

Captain: Well we have been cleared for Cleveland arrival.

Us: YAY

Captain: We Will be landing in about 20 minutes. There will be a manager with a red jacket at the gate to answer your questions about any connecting flights.

Us: Oh...

We land, Look to our right and what do we see. Big ass AirForce 1. For reals the plane is massive. For it to be carrying the president and some minions its kinda ridic. Also on the tarmac, an Air Force Plane I can only assume is his escort.

We deplane, get reticketed.. 3 hours in Cleveland airport.
Again, for REAL,
3 hours.
In the airport
In Cleveland.

Contrary to the Drew Carey show Cleveland doth not rock.
Cleveland sucks
A weird combo of South Jersey and North Philly if that is possible.

Life Lessons

Background: There is a group of children that are attending a day camp in Philadelphia. This day camp affords them the opportunity to go swimming once a week during the 6 week program. Philadelphia made the *cough* wise decision to shut down 1/3 of the City public pools. This forced the Day Camp to seek alternative location. The Day Camp then moved to a private swimclub outside of the city for its once a week swim. After the first week of swimming at the club. The Day Camp Director received a letter from the Director of the swimclub, stating that due to the size of the group they could not accomodate the Day Camp, the letter also included a check fully refunding the money. It was later determined that the members of the club had an issue with the new "colour" of the pool and some people complained which in turn led the board to refunding the group's money.

Since the above incident, the SwimClub has offered to let the kids swim at the club again, the Day Camp director has officially started litigation against the swim club, the Kids parents are also seeking their legal "rights" in regards to this matter and the Kids are now going to Disney World for 3 days on the wallet of Tyler Perry.

Yes you read that correctly Tyler Perry has booked and paid for a trip for the children AND their parents to go to Disney World.

Now I am confused.

I am not sure why the children and parents are being rewarded.
I am not sure who the real victims are at this point because the lines have gotten blurred.

I have stood face to face with some racist shit. Had someone call me a nigger to my face and walk away like it was nothing, a coon, jungle bunny, darky, you name it I've heard it. I never got a trip to Disney World for my troubles.

My mom sat me down and we had a talk about differences and how some people just don't like people because of something so basic as skin color.

One child overheard one of the club members say: What are these black kids doing here?
Not to defend the club member BUT, an all white swim club, in a mostly white area, and 60 latino and black children show up on a Monday in June. That begs a very simple question, what ARE all these black kids doing here? Much like going to a hip hop club and the random group of white girls walk in, people will look and say, what are those white girls doing here? Until they start dropping it like its hot, but thats another blog.

And are the parents NOT teaching their children about cultural and racial differences or are the kids just learning reverse racism.. ie its okay for people of color to talk about white folks but its not okay for white folks to talk about black people. I have no doubt that many of the children's parents have had many a conversation-White people this and White people that.. But have not had the discussion with their children that racism on BOTH sides is alive and well. You can just look at the school in Mississippi that had its first integrated prom last year as a clear example.

I am not defending racism in any way, it doesn't matter who its coming from or about. It irks me to no end and I just can't be bothered with it. But it happens everyday. Do I go to stores and get followed around like some criminal, get seated in a restaurant in plain site of the Manager so they can make sure I don't skip out on the check, get huffed and puffed at a fine dining establishment because I don't look like I tip well. All the time. But I power through the ignorance and hate and keep it moving.


Its not just shame on the swim club, shame on the parents, shame on the director and shame on Tyler Perry.

If I were a parent of one of those children. We would not be going to Disney World. My child would have gone through this whole rigamarole to learn what, Tyler Perry saves the day and lawyers solve all your problems.

No, not in my house. And my kids would proabaly hate me, but I would have to respectfully decline his offer as there is no lesson learned. You don't get treated in a shitty way and someone hands you a lolli and it makes it all better.

Starting Fresh

Sometimes I think about selling all of my stuff except my bed, kitchen stuff and tv. Downsizing to a crazy small studio, and going back to school full time, with part-time gig to get me thru the rent.

Then I look at the lifestyle I am accustomed to living and I change my mind.

No I don't live in the lap of luxury but I don't WANT for anything either.

I was supposed to be a teacher. Biology actually.

4 years at a state school and into the classroom.

But it didn't work out that way. 4 years at a private school with a general arts major, no degree and 20k in debt

YAY ME!

So now at 30 I feel like I am at a crossroads.

The intersection of what now? why not?

I'm at a crossroads without anyone to guide the way.

Marrying for Money and Tapes we dare not speak its name

I have been reevaluating my dating situation.

Thinking less about how I am currently a fucking Certified Bachelorette. (All I need is a Plaque on the wall and 2 black leather sofa's.) And more about the fact that I AM someone's future wife and mother. I am looking at potential suitors with a keen eye. My approach has become very pragmatic.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO OFFER?
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PLAN?
DO YOU FIT INTO MY EQUATION?


I have made no extra effort to impress a man with my skills in the kitchen, nor do I entertain them at my own home.

In the beginning its strictly business.

No, I am not looking at every man as my future husband. THAT is ridiculous and juvenile, but I def look to see if he has anything to add to my life in general. If not, sorry chief I got enough friends.

We need to end this right here and now.

Which leads me to the idea of Marrying for Money. When I say marry for money, I don't mean being a gold digging hussy, sitting on my ass popping out kids and eating bon bons.

I mean marrying someone who is financially sound and savvy, or at least heading in that direction. Someone who knows the importance of a 401k, ira, cds, long term investment to help provide for his and our future, someone paying his bills on time, and living within his means.

I never thought about the idea of marrying someone for money, in those terms before. It always receives some horrible conotation. Marrying for money is bad. Marrying for love is good.
When it should be: Marrying someone for his money is not wise.
Marrying for love is not always wise either but its better than the latter.

There has to be a balance a compromise of sorts. Some love and some fiscal responsibility.

Marrying someone who shares your same views on money, how and when its spent.

Tapes we dare not speak its name

Another "Celebrity" had a sex tape leaked to the web.

I feel its time once again to go over the rules to the sex tape:

Don't make one.

You choose to ignore that rule cuz you are in love, feeling frisky, whatever please adhere to the following:

Never at your house.
Never at his house.
Never somewhere YOU have never been but he has.
Use your own camera, nothing borrowed, new or blue.
Only digital no dvd, cd, memory card.
Watch immediately after and delete.
Watch immediately after and delete.
DELETE
DELETE
DELETE.
I don't care if you have to burn the memory card and flush it down the toilet, do not keep it.
You don't look as good as you think you do.

Chick from Gossip Girl, I hope you are reading this.

On Being Exotic

As a black woman, specifically as a Black American woman (no I am not owning African American we are so far removed from the continent Africans don't even acknowledge us, no one calls Canadians African Canadians think about it) I have NEVER been considered exotic. Most people know exotic is a matter of context, oriental rug is exotic in the US, but just a thing that catches dust on a living room floor in China.

For the first time ever in life someone asked me: What is your nationality?

I was taken aback.

I have traveled enough and no one EVER asks me my nationality. Its hey black girl, you look like(fill in any mainstream random black female celebrity here), And it doesn't matter if the black celebrity is 6 shades lighter than me and is actually mulatto(lol, yeah I said it) Black is black.

So the young man asks me: What is your Nationality?
I reply: I'm just regular old black.
Him: You aren't Dominican. You look like you might be Dominican. You are very attractive etc..

Lets pause. The dude was trying to pick me up. So I guess calling me Dominican was a compliment because if I was Dominican that makes me exotic, yes. More sexy, more attractive, something other than myself. I could possibly be from an island and speak another language. Be able to straighten hair, but no I am not Dominican, and although he was fine with continuing his pick up attempts he was visibly disappointed.

That begs the question. What so wrong with being black? I mean even my response to him was laced with negativity. Just regular old black.
Has it just been ingrained in society so long that black is beautiful....some of the time.

I'm even confused by my own response.

Black Love on Display

I love love in ALL forms, BUT I truly enjoy seeing black love in a positive light.

And for the next four years prayerfully black love will be on display through our president and his family. It warms my heart to see him holding his wifes hand and hugging his children.

I think their extremely public forms of PDA can have some impact on how a black family can be viewed. I know it sounds crazy and idealistic, BUT, you don't see it in the mainstream media.

You see Quantrell Williams and Tanisia Holmes arrested on 2 counts of racketeering and their three children being thrust into the foster care system.

Of all of the black soldiers I see come home, a very select few are coming home to wives AND children. They are coming home to their mothers and children and rarely a mention of a significant other.

Where is the black, brown and beige love in the mainstream? Where are my beautiful hues of people giving, living and sharing love with one another.

I am looking for love in whatever shade comes my way, but where is the LOVE people where is the love.